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The Bunker Hill Memorial resides in Charlestown, MA. It actually sits atop Breed's Hill, as some jagoff screwed up his history back in 1827 when the construction began. The 221 feet tall obelisk was finished in 1843 and has 294 steps. I've been to the bottom of the monument before, but didn't actually climb it (partly out of apathy, partly out of pure laziness), so I had added it to the list. But, since my tree trunk soccer legs can knock that out no problem (I may have average self-esteem about most of my body, but my legs bring out the cockiness), I decided to up the level of difficulty. Boston likes to call itself America's Walking City? Well, I decided to prove that moniker by walking 7 miles to the monument before walking up it.
So at 11:00am Sunday morning, I put on a dry-fit running shirt and a pair of soccer shorts (I initially had on cargo shorts, but the vast amount of swass I expected to have on a mid-80's day with the sun beating down made me decide otherwise), threw on my backpack, and headed out to Charlestown. Here's the rundown of my adventure, noting my personal monuments along the way.
A - Cafe Nation. My first stop (and really, my only stop) to fuel up for the trek with some iced coffee. If you're an anti-big-corporation hippie that dislikes Dunkin Donuts because of their connection to the Bush family and the Carlyle Group (damn you Aaron G for teaching me this), then this is your place in Brighton Center
B - Devlin's. A nice bar with an outdoor patio. I've gone on a few internet dates over the last year+, but on that patio is the only time I've met up with someone and the second she walked in I said "Ah crap. She. . . . does not look like the picture." I'm no 10, but I at least know how to set up a profile without false advertising.
C - A statue of a hammer thrower, in which the artist could not afford an extra $200 for some steel chains to connect the handle to the ball. You want me to use my imagination? Screw you fancy artist guy.
D - Redneck's BBQ. They have several items they call "double stuffed subs." We got one once there. It was a version of a chicken parm sub that had chicken, cheese, marinara sauce . . . and waffle fries . . . and cheeseticks. U-S-A! U-S-A!
E - Sunset Grill. Mandatory dining for all visitors that don't think a a good beer includes the word "lite" in its name. 380 beers. 112 on tap. Dee . . . lite . . . full.
F - Agganis Arena. Home to the BU terriers. I've seen Michigan play basketball and hockey here, and we had front row seats for both. One required connections. One required us showing up 5 minutes before game time to buy $15 tickets. I'll let you figure out which was which.
G - Fenway Park. I've been to home games for 29 of 30 MLB franchises, and this is my favorite. 35+ games, and I STILL haven't been kicked out of one. Something to strive for I suppose.
H - Former home of my friend Katie, who lived on the 9th story and had a roof deck. It was basically the perfect place to watch both the marathon and the fireworks. However, she's since moved out to the burbs with her hubby and daughter. So, until I become better friends with Tom Brady, I'm going to need one of you people to move to a top floor apartment in Back Bay so I can abuse your living situation as well.
I - Lir. The bar that's home to the Santa Speedo Run. I'll be hitting you people up for donations for the 2012 charity run soon enough, but in the meantime, you can go back and read Item #10, which, according the Blogspot stats, is the most read post on this site because apparently you people are a bunch of masochistic bastards. Either that, or because it will eventually turn up as a hit if you search for the words "naked" and "mile." (though now that those words are in this post too, maybe this one gets some extra hits also? and if that's the case . . . . boobs boobs boobs)
J - Mindy Kaling. AKA, Kelly Kappor from the office. I rarely see famous people in public. I've seen Hulk Hogan at a casino in Fort Lauderdale. I've seen Fab 5 legend Jalen Rose at a steakhouse in Mandalay Bay (maybe I just to to hang in casinos more often). And I've seen Mindy Kaling walking Newbury St. I'm so hip and cool.
K - The Rattlesnake Bar. When I first moved to Boston with Walter, and we didn't really know anyone yet, I think this is the only place we went to (once) as just 2 guys going to the bar. Walter thought it was "kind of gay" for just 2 guys to go to a bar, and I don't think we did it again. In 4 months, I will be giving the best man speech at his wedding. If I can keep the Walter stories under 20 minutes, it will be a miracle.
L - The start to the Corporate Challenge, a 3.5 mile charity race with approximately 10,000 runners. In a normal race at that length, I'll typically run at a 7:15-7:30 per-mile pace. The last time I ran this clusterfuck? 8:49 pace. Though with the amount of weaving we had to do, we probably ran 5 miles. This . . . . is not an enjoyable race.
M - The Duck Pond, which is now a wading pool and fountain for kids. Approximate ratio of water to piss? 50-50 at best.
N - Massachusetts State House. Massachusetts? More like TAXachusetts! Right? I just came up with that.
O - The Greenway. For you non-Bostonians, as you can of see on the map, the highway runs underground here, thanks to the Big Dig, which was definitely not built by the mafia with substandard materials. It's actually pretty damn cool. Though what's not cool the is $800 I end up paying each year in tolls. Occasionally, I do miss the free pot-hole-ridden constantly-under-construction highways of the Motor City.
P - The part where I got a little lost. Damn you Boston and your wacky unlabeled curvy roads.
Q - 7 miles and approximately 12,320 steps later . . . I'm there.
And after an additional 294 vertical steps . . . .
Nice. Maybe not "I spent 135 minutes walking in 85 degree heat while sweating my balls off" nice, but nice none-the-less. (I realize that we have soldiers in much more gear doing much more bad-ass things for much longer times in much hotter conditions . . . . but I'm a pussy, soooo . . . ya know).
So after my adventure, I put in another 0.7 miles and walked over to my friend Megan's place (R) to enjoy the quintessential American monument to summer and opulence. U-S-Freakin-A.
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